Sure I’m okay, but I’m not fine at all
Last week I posted on my personal Facebook page about my anxiety regarding the events that transpired last week at the US Capitol. It didn’t take long for the unkind comments to come in.
Not the compassionate response one would hope for from friends and family.
Also, my anxiety wasn’t just from watching the day’s events unfold. For about a week before, I was walking around with a sense of dread and doom, which truthfully is not my usual outlook.
Yes, I’ve had my fair share of mental illness:
postpartum depression — check
an eating disorder — check
panic attacks — check
PTSD — check
But I’ve always had the strength to overcome those challenges — or so it seemed at the time.
It’s different this time. I have finally found the courage to admit that I need help.
And that’s why I wrote this, a manifesto of sorts, to declare my intention to live with more courage, compassion, and connection with those in my life.
Daughter, Sister, Granddaughter, Wife, Mother, Cousin, Friend Seeking Courage, Compassion, and Connection
For my friends and family who might be wondering why I, a privileged white person living in a suburb where all of my neighbors look like me, was (and still is) so anxious about what transpired last week, the photo circulating of a person wearing a “Camp Auschwitz” sweatshirt explains it all.
There was also a person wearing a 6MWE shirt, inferring that the 6 million Jewish lives lost in the Holocaust, wasn’t enough.
Instead of reposting images you’ve likely already seen, I encourage you to read this article about what seeing these kinds of images does to Holocaust survivors, and follow @AuschwitzMuseum to hear stories of those who did not survive.
For me? These photos represent people who want my children, my husband, his family, his ancestors, to not exist in this world.
I shouldn’t have to raise my children in a country that tolerates this level of hatred. No one should have to raise their children in a country that tolerates this level of hatred.
Enough is enough is enough.
I fully understand that I am naive and just waking up to this. And that I haven’t built up a lifetime of defenses to these kinds of attacks, so I humbly recognize my privilege here.
As a white, heterosexual, Christian female, my gender is my only physical trait working against me, and even though I have experienced what a lot of women have (physical and sexual assault), I am able to recognize my privilege in this world we live in.
But with the growing anti-Semitism in our country, I am worried about my family.
It’s like I am a mountaintop, graced with warning signs of the need to tread lightly lest the world comes crumbling down around you.
That my snowy surface is unstable, trampled on by
hate
violence
intolerance
Trying to keep it together to protect what keeps me stable — my base — my husband, my kids, my friends and family, my faith in people, in God or a higher power.
Trying to hold back the avalanche of all of my greatest fears from burying them alive, never to be seen or heard again.
Enough is enough is enough.
And yet, I can help but think of my family as the “lucky ones”. We can choose to “hide” our differences from our neighbors and they will be none the wiser. In fact, we unconsciously already do this. Displaying our Christmas decorations front and center, but placing our lit menorah out of sight.
Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW the people wearing and waving emblems of hate and violence don’t represent the views of the majority of people. But, let’s keep in mind it only takes ONE person to act on their white supremacist views and inflict unimaginable pain and suffering.
Before you jump on the us vs. them, liberals are hypocrites, no one is forcing you to hide who you are, if you feel unsafe in your neighborhood, why live there, etc. bandwagon, please reconsider your response.
This is not meant to dredge up political or societal arguments I refuse to get into with family and friends.
This is simply my personal reaction as a human being to current events, and I would hope for an empathetic response from those who claim to love family and friends “no matter what your views”.
This is my attempt at creating a kinder, braver, safer world for everyone to express their opinions, feelings, and experiences without fear of judgment, disappointment, blame, comparing, and avoiding.
If your response to my words, my feelings, my experience in this world is to express how wrong I am, I urge you to reflect on why you are compelled to respond in such a way to someone you might call a friend, daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, neighbor, etc.
Then, please connect with me for a REAL conversation. I’d love nothing more than a chance to connect with people I love for meaningful, respectful conversations about how you are feeling and doing in today’s world.
There is enough hate in this world, let’s start spreading unabashed love, belonging, compassion and support to all, regardless of your political views.
Enough is enough is enough.
